I’ll be honest with you— Doug the Pug is 100% one of my favorite people. Have I mentioned him in multiple articles? YES. Do I like everything his humans post for him on Instagram? YES.

The reason why Doug is SO heroic is because he goes around living his best life, being himself, and chillin with celebrities. And wouldn’t that be flippin’ dandy if we could all do that? Heck yes! 

Let’s put aside for a sec that we won’t probably ALL meet celebrities in our lifetimes, and just focus on the part about being ourselves and living our best lives. 

Doug is so utterly enchanting because he has zero qualms about taking photos of himself buried up to his sweet, fuzzy double chin in hot dogs. 

Would I take a photo like that? 

Would you? 

 

✽ So how do we get to Doug-level-kickin’-it?✽

 

How do you get from feeling all weird and squicky inside whenever you talk to someone new to lolling your metaphorical tongue out and just being yourself?

Easy!

Fake it. 

Yesyesyes, you definitely heard me right.

 

✽ Be authentically you— by faking it.✽

 

Uh-huh. Yes. 

Babe, YES. This is not a trick!

The phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” is around for a REASON. And the reason is this: It serves as a way to push you past your comfort zone into acting on new behaviors until you become that new person— until those new behaviors become habitual skills. 

Don’t mistake me— I’m not pushing a Mean Girls style drop-your-whole-identity-to-become-a-Plastic level of faking it. And do not strut your stuff wearing stillettos when you have bunions and a bum knee. That’s not what I mean. Don’t do anything that’s detrimental to you.

 

✽ But DO do the things you’ve always felt too unworthy of doing.✽

 

100% walk into a meeting and SAY something, even if the rude whisper at the back of your brain is telling you to shutup-shutupshutupshutup because you’re too junior and don’t matter enough to have an opinion. Or because you think everyone else’s comments are going to be better than yours. 

THAT is where you fake it. Say it anyway, sweet friend, because when you’re committed to faking it your brain slowly soaks up the results. If Grant-from-marketing’s opinion is totally on point, then, according to fake-it logic, so is yours. So fake it. 

Because the point of faking it is to get you doing it. 

And the point of doing it is so that you get used to doing it.

And the point of being used to doing it is so that you don’t feel like you’re faking it anymore because it’s just habit to be that way.

 

✽ Because habits can’t grow if you’re not consistently used to doing a behavior. And consistency can’t happen if you’re not ever doing it at all.✽

 

So, dear heart, sweet friend, strong woman of SO MUCH potential— fake it.

Basically, this fake it mentality is taking that big steaming pile of Impostor Syndrome, chucking it in the trash bin, squaring your shoulders, and walking away from it. (What is Impostor Syndrome, you ask? Or maybe you don’t, because you’re used to this fella lurking behind you in the shadows already).

Impostor Syndrome is the officially official name that goes to the snarky, rude thoughts in your head that tell you you’re not good enough. Impostor Syndrome is also that sweaty-squicky feeling you get when you walk up to a group of colleagues, hoping you say the right thing. 

Impostor Syndrome is, basically, a giant raging Bitch. (I tried thinking of a less swear-y way to phrase it, but nothing was coming to me. Sooo today we’re calling a spade a spade and all that 😉   ). And this Capital-B queen lurks inside all of us: our options are to let her win and live our lives convinced that we’re never going to be good enough, OR to chuck those feelings, keep our heads high, and do things. 

Buuuuuuut, chucking those feelings often doesn’t feel natural (you know, since we’ve been telling ourselves we’re not worthy of stuff for, like, EVER), and so it takes some work and some learning to get to that point. 

And that work starts with faking it. 

So when Impostor Syndrome makes you feel like not going to your company’s holiday party because you don’t know who’ll get seated next to at dinner because your work bestie Katie is out of town, YOU’VE GOTTA FAKE IT. Walk in tall, confident, (writhing inside, maybe, but full of fake-it attitude), lookin’ your favorite version of hella cute. And then YOU decide who to sit next to. 

 

✽ THAT is how to use the power of faking it!✽

 

I use this little superpower allll the time. Like, the first time I went to a networking meeting for entrepreneurs. First of all, I almost didn’t go. Because, like, my website wasn’t even done yet! How could I call myself a business owner?? But I had agreed to meet my sweet friend Megan, and cancelling would be rude, sooooo…

The event was in this cute little coffee shop, and the woman who had organized it had comandeered a long table in back, and it seemed like everyone else was there already— women were trading business cards and small talk and warmth. But I SO did not feel apart of that yet— I didn’t have a website, let alone profesh stories to swap! (Never mind that I totally DO have stories to swap. I’ve been helping people with their confident communication skills for almost a decade. But my thoughts were rebelling against me). 

I reinforced my resolve with caffeine (uhm— coffee shop!) and took the very last seat (that Megan saved for me because she’s BOMB, thank goodness). 

The rich and grounding scent of coffee calmed me and I chatted with Megan a little, but mostly I listened to the pre-meeting chit-chat, getting the feel of the group. 

And the start time for the meeting was beginning to feel imminent. And I just knew we were going to do that thing where we’d introduce ourselves and our businesses and I was going to feel like an idiot with my unfinished website, zero business cards, and, actually, I don’t even think I had officially named my business yet :’D 

This perfectly normal round of introductions was practically LOOMING in my heart. And my Capital-B queen was pouring fuel on my fire.

But I’ve made a habit of this fake it thing.

Somewhere in my heart was a strong and practiced voice that shouted NO! EFF IT! I’M JUST GOING TO GO FIRST! 

Because, like, I HAVE TO GO SOMETIME. And sounding small and lame at the end sounds like the legit worst, so I went first— with my zero business cards, nonexistent website, and no name yet. 

And then it was over! 

And my brain sighed in relief. Literally, my body just relaxed all over.

And all I had to do then was listen to the other introductions. And breathe. Because even though walking into this part of me felt like a total weird-o, idiot poser, those women were nice to me. Because those beautiful, totally not actually scary women had all been “me” at some point with my zero business cards and no name yet). 

 

✽ These women that terrified me with my unbelongingness made me feel like I belonged!✽

 

Because it wasn’t them that was scary, it was the slinking, sly Impostor Syndrome that creeps in the back of my poor lizard brain.

 

✽ And there’s a way out from under her lurking reign of awfulness!✽

 

There are some tactical nuggets of wisdom in this little story I’ve told you: There are ways to help you fake it until you make it— 

Until you become it all the way down to your toes. 

 

Easy Breezy Solutions

(Or keep calling them tactical nuggets— we’ll make it a Thing!)

 

Tactical Nugget Numero Uno: Ye Ole Buddy System! 

Having a friend or colleague in on whatever it is that you’re fakin’ helps so darn much! (Shoutout to Megan! I don’t even think she knew she was totally my safety blanket for faking it with these rad lady entrepreneurs, but she 100% was).

 

Easy Breezy Solution Number Two: Tell your brain to “fuck it”. 

(Okay, okay, I know that’s super casually profane, but it’s what personally works for my brain. Your version might be “screw it,” “whatever,” or “bugger it all anyway”). 

The point is, no matter your phrasing, in saying something like this you’re mentally chucking your problem over your shoulder. Literally, to start out, you might picture yourself crumpling your problem like scratch paper and throwing it over your shoulder while you say your chosen phrase. 

There’s science that supports that visualizing is super helpful and effective at setting your frame of mind. (Check out my SCIENCE! section for a few articles on it, or Google “mirror neurons” and “athletes using visualization”).

For more tips on how to talk to yourself in a way that’s effective and positive, check out my Complete Guide to Positive Self-Talk. You can get it sent straight to your inbox and snuggle up with your phone for a great and informative read!

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Once you can shift your big scary thing that you’re “not good enough for” into a crumpled heap you’ve walked away from, it’s easier to steel yourself for what comes next: the doing it!

 

Fakin’ It Strategy Number Three: More visualizing 🙂 

Using your inner eye to picture yourself being successful is super helpful when you’re prepping yourself for acting. At the networking meeting I went to, while alllll the other women were chit-chatting, I was sitting there quietly, all up in my head, planning what order I was going to say things in, and picturing my confident posture and tone while I said it. Visualizing is legit SO powerful! 

 

Our Last Tactical Nugget (Numero Quatro, if you’re still counting): When it’s time to fake it and take action… do it first. 

I know, I know! It sounds scary to go first when you’re already nervous. But it feels suuuuper better to do something first, and be done with it, than it does to sit and stress yourself out, waiting for a longer period of time. By waiting, you allow time for your main stress hormone (cortisol) to rise. (It’s kind of like Band-Aid theory: get it over with quickly, and all that). 

 

So: Do it first. Get it done. Then do an internal happy dance! ‘Cause YOU DID IT!! Then you can check off the little fake-it checkmark in your brain and move on to letting your body relax. (That’s the best part, honestly! The part where you’re done stressing and obsessing 🙂 ). 

 

Now that you have those 4 easy breezy nuggets of wisdom, when are you gonna try faking it? Whatcha gonna fake? Drop me a comment or shoot me an email! I read everything I get over coffee and yogurt 🙂

 

Looooove and coffee mug clinks to you, sweet friend,

P.S. 😀 Stop it— you’re still reading my words? You’re the best! I want to hear YOUR words back! Tell me what you’d like to read about in the future! Comment or Emaaaaaail, sweet friend!

kayla@braveheartopenmind.com

P.P.S. Want to keep this lovely, positivity going? Heck yes! Take your Self-Love Quiz to find the perfect self-love mantra for YOU!

Meet Your Self-Love + Confidence Coach, Kayla Vavra!

I founded Brave Heart Open Mind, this enthusiastic self-love development studio, in an effort to empower women with the ability to live their happiest, most confident lives!

Because I’ve walked the path of feeling like I wasn’t good enough— drowning in self-doubt and self-hate— and it genuinely straight up sucks. (It does, for real. If you’ve been there— ugly-crying on cold floral linoleum— you know it’s true).

Part of the entire existence of Brave Heart Open Mind is to allow me to help you get to where I am— in a place of self-love; in a place of consistent confidence; in a place of self-empowerment! And to help you get there faster than I did. 😅🤩

It took me over a decade to get to where I am today.

From my own rock bottom— sitting at the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, fully depressed, with imbalanced hormones, halfway through college, unable to do anything other than barely hang on and pretend I was fine, (when really my self-image was a total dumpster fire on the inside). There were real moments of sobbing-on-the-floor feelings of wretchedness, catatonic-in-bed feelings of hopelessness, and hiding-blades-from-myself urges of self-harm during this time.

Medication to balance my hormones helped regulate my brain chemistry to smooth back the depression and darkness, but I was still left with a completely trashed self-image. I wanted to love myself, and it took me over a decade to figure out how to actually make that happen.

My personal journey over the course of that decade has thankfully brought me all the way to where I am now: the founder of an amazing and fulfilling business, totally loving my life!

And if I can help you skip the trudging, slow-as-heck, mountain climb out of the trenches of self-doubt and self-hate, and streamline a decade for you— like, that’s amazing! Why wouldn’t I help you? How could I not??

And through painstakingly building positive lifelong habits for myself, I’ve paved a new path: One where I consistently push myself to grow, feel good enough, and live in a place of calm, centered confidence.

And these habits aren’t magic— anyone can learn them! Everyone deserves to learn them. They’re rooted in solid verbal communication skills, body language tactics, and powerful mindset shifts. Meshing these three skillsets together creates a powerful range of habits that can make any lovely human feel confident! All you have to do is learn them and consistently work hard to practice them throughout your life. When you’re ready to commit to yourself, when you’re ready to finally let yourself feel good enough, when you’re ready to live a life of confidence, I can help you learn and practice these habits! You’re worth it 😀 (You SO are!)

I’m also a total scifi nerd 🤓 

I can’t wait for us to work together! Seriously, we’ll be a force to be reckoned with! You’ll learn such powerful new habits, and you’ll feel so much power in the confidence that you’ve unlocked! Heck yes!!

In other nerdy news, you should also know that I’m a total geek and an avid life-long learner: I am certified to teach public speaking (and more!) with a Bachelors Degree in Mass Communication & Journalism and a Masters Degree in Education by the University of Nebraska at Omaha. I am certified as a Life & Success Coach, Hypnotherapist, and NLP, EFT, and TIME Practitioner by the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners. I’m currently pursuing my certification as a Master Practitioner by the IBCP, as well as my certification in The Science of Well-Being by Yale University 🤓