Hunched shoulders, sharp glances, and gusty sighs are as contagious as the flu these days.

We often feel irritable, weary, and disheartened.

And maybe we feel this way justifiably.

Maybe life does kind of suck a little.

And we drag ourselves from day to day celebrating our weariness and feeding our irritability.

Often we spend more time complaining about our workload than complimenting our colleagues.

Or we chat about how tired we are more often than we chat about how our sweet doggo or babe learned something new.

We wind up giving away our energy to our negativity and complaints.

And sweet friend, we only have so much energy.

Whether it’s your cup, your spoons, your cares to give, or your universal vibrations, our minds and hearts only have so much energy to put out into our world, and we’re giving it to the wrong things.

In a world where we constantly compare and complain, we need to take back our positivity!

And I know a teeny, small part of you (or maybe a large part of you) feels a little called out by this idea. Or downright opposed to this idea.

Because comparing and complaining is almost a foundational way of finding common ground with other people, and it can be hard to come to terms with letting it go. Even I struggle some days with letting it go.

I’ve even noticed myself doing this when talking about my beautiful wedding that took place last year.

And what the heck! How could I be negative?? My wedding was phenomenal! The weather was PERFECT for an outdoor wedding, and we knew we were gambling with scheduling it for the last weekend in October. (I know, we’re crazy people, but I just KNEW October 27th was our date!)

But it was flipping GORGEOUS, my wonderful father— who has survived two strokes— walked me down the aisle, and I married the love of my life. It was literally perfect.

And in the last two months, in the midst of reminiscing with friends and family over the course of our first anniversary, I’ve caught myself consistently complaining about our DJ. (Like, seriously railing against him).

And to what end?

My complaints don’t change anything. I wasn’t warning brides-to-be to avoid him. All I’ve been doing is wallowing in something negative, when it doesn’t get me anywhere but into an even more negative headspace.

And so I stopped.

I replaced negative DJ comments with compliments to my friends who set up our cute, swanky DIY photo booth!

I started detailed discussions about the amazingness of our catered mac n’ cheese! (YUM!)

I began waxing poetic about our officiant and how beautifully she delivered our ceremony (Seriously, a HUGE shoutout to Amber Wormington for making our day truly, exceedingly, and soulfully full of poetic love!)

And it WORKED! Conversations were easier, and my heart was happier! I imagine I was also more pleasant to listen to 😉 

Does occasionally venting about ridiculous bosses and deadbeat DJ’s still have a place in our lives? Of course. We totally need to talk about our feelings and experiences. But we also need to notice when we’re doing it, how often we’re indulging in it, and where the bulk of our energy is flowing.

Because it’s important to internalize the idea that you have control over where your energy goes. And you have control over whether or not your mindset is pickled in positive seasonings or negative ones. (I’ve clearly been reading too many canning blogs lately).

You don’t have to let the negativity from one situation frame your mindset for another.

You have choice in how you move forward, sweet friend.

So how do we actually do this?

Here are your Official Action Steps:

• Listen for your own negative comments and thoughts. Work first and simply on labelling them in your own head. Saying something to yourself like “Whelp, that was negative, wasn’t it?” starts the process of helping yourself be aware of how often you’re thinking negatively. (Want more help with how to do this? Check out my Ultimate Guide to Positive Self Talk!)
• Reframe your negative thoughts or comments positively. Sentence starters like “On the flip side…” or “On a more positive note…” can be helpful in guiding your mindset and your conversation.
• Guide the conversation you’re in towards positive outlooks by asking questions like “What’ll be the most fun part about that?” or “What was the best part of your day?”

Doing these things will feel weird and forced at first, but don’t worry! That’s only because all new habits feel weird and forced to begin with. You are TOTALLY capable of doing small things like this to help guide the energy you have towards celebrating the positive in your life!

Which action step do you think will be easiest to start using today?

Champagne clinks and mac n’ cheese love,

P.S. I want to point out that this stay-positive mentality does not apply to situations of prejudice or injustice. This is not a philosophy that seeks to dull dissent or gloss over taking action against wrongdoings. Especially in today’s social and political climate, you should definitely focus on negative situations or systemic issues that need your attention, love, correction, allyship, and advocation.

P.P.S. I’m sending you love across the internet! From my heart to YOURS!

P.P.P.S. Here’s the link to my Ultimate Guide to Positive Self-Talk again! It’s legit the EXACT guide you need to start making positive and confident changes in your mindset ASAP. (I know, I know, I made it, so of course I love it, but I’m being serious: it’s suuuuper helpful, sweet friend!)

Still here? Thanks for staying!! Want to keep this lovely, positivity going? Heck yes! Take your Self-Love Quiz to find the perfect self-love mantra for YOU!

Meet Your Self-Love + Confidence Coach, Kayla Vavra!

I founded Brave Heart Open Mind, this enthusiastic self-love development studio, in an effort to empower women with the ability to live their happiest, most confident lives!

Because I’ve walked the path of feeling like I wasn’t good enough— drowning in self-doubt and self-hate— and it genuinely straight up sucks. (It does, for real. If you’ve been there— ugly-crying on cold floral linoleum— you know it’s true).

Part of the entire existence of Brave Heart Open Mind is to allow me to help you get to where I am— in a place of self-love; in a place of consistent confidence; in a place of self-empowerment! And to help you get there faster than I did. 😅🤩

It took me over a decade to get to where I am today.

From my own rock bottom— sitting at the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, fully depressed, with imbalanced hormones, halfway through college, unable to do anything other than barely hang on and pretend I was fine, (when really my self-image was a total dumpster fire on the inside). There were real moments of sobbing-on-the-floor feelings of wretchedness, catatonic-in-bed feelings of hopelessness, and hiding-blades-from-myself urges of self-harm during this time.

Medication to balance my hormones helped regulate my brain chemistry to smooth back the depression and darkness, but I was still left with a completely trashed self-image. I wanted to love myself, and it took me over a decade to figure out how to actually make that happen.

My personal journey over the course of that decade has thankfully brought me all the way to where I am now: the founder of an amazing and fulfilling business, totally loving my life!

And if I can help you skip the trudging, slow-as-heck, mountain climb out of the trenches of self-doubt and self-hate, and streamline a decade for you— like, that’s amazing! Why wouldn’t I help you? How could I not??

And through painstakingly building positive lifelong habits for myself, I’ve paved a new path: One where I consistently push myself to grow, feel good enough, and live in a place of calm, centered confidence.

And these habits aren’t magic— anyone can learn them! Everyone deserves to learn them. They’re rooted in solid verbal communication skills, body language tactics, and powerful mindset shifts. Meshing these three skillsets together creates a powerful range of habits that can make any lovely human feel confident! All you have to do is learn them and consistently work hard to practice them throughout your life. When you’re ready to commit to yourself, when you’re ready to finally let yourself feel good enough, when you’re ready to live a life of confidence, I can help you learn and practice these habits! You’re worth it 😀 (You SO are!)

I’m also a total scifi nerd 🤓 

I can’t wait for us to work together! Seriously, we’ll be a force to be reckoned with! You’ll learn such powerful new habits, and you’ll feel so much power in the confidence that you’ve unlocked! Heck yes!!

In other nerdy news, you should also know that I’m a total geek and an avid life-long learner: I am certified to teach public speaking (and more!) with a Bachelors Degree in Mass Communication & Journalism and a Masters Degree in Education by the University of Nebraska at Omaha. I am certified as a Life & Success Coach, Hypnotherapist, and NLP, EFT, and TIME Practitioner by the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners. I’m currently pursuing my certification as a Master Practitioner by the IBCP, as well as my certification in The Science of Well-Being by Yale University 🤓