The idea of spreading kindness around like it’s confetti is a popular one these days! And why shouldn’t it be? Making someone else’s day better is a good thing! 😊

So why, then, isn’t the practice of treating ourselves more kindly a bigger deal? Sure, Google will supply you with over 6 million self-care activities in one simple search. But after fizzling that rainbow bath bomb while letting Pink tell you that you’re effin’ perfect, you’re back in your same routine the next day, cursing at yourself for spilling coffee on your shirt. So instead of creating one more bath-bomb-based listicle, I polled some followers about the way that they talked to themselves, and our mean mental mantras are so ingrained in our brains that it’s often hard to see them for what they truly are: rude word choices.

What I mean is, we have a choice in how we talk to ourselves just like we do when we’re talking to other people.

Here’s a legit thing I’ve told myself:

• You’re a stupid, ugly cow, how could anyone love you.

• Nobody would even miss you, so you might as well just do it.

There’s so much hate in those words! And none of it is true. None of it! And you deserve to learn how to change your mental words! (You do! You so, so do!)

Other real talk I’ve leveled at myself:

• Okay seriously, you’re spiraling out, and you’ve gotta get it together.

• You’re being destructive, lock it down because you know it’ll only get worse.

Or like when I was running late on my way to meet my husband for our engagement photo sesh— I made a wrong turn and my GPS totally lost all perspective, and I had to squelch thoughts like you’re so freaking stupid! Can’t you even get to your own engagement photo shoot on time?? and replace them with:

• Okay, okay, hang on. Stop being negative. That’ll only make you cry and you’ll be so much happier when you’re not a mucous-y hot mess for your photos. Plus you’re totally a positive person, so thinking about yourself positively is easy! Like, remember how bomb your mascara looks today?

There’s always a point in any situation, right after we’ve said the first rude comment to ourselves, where we can get into the habit of calling ourselves out for our own negativity. And I’m intentional about calling this a habit, because it won’t come naturally to you at first. It’ll feel forced, and you won’t even want to believe it. But if you’re really dedicated to changing the way you treat yourself— you’ll repeat it. And you’ll continue to say nice things to yourself until your body calms down and you can move on.

Seriously, sweet friend, start calling yourself out for being rude to your own darn beautiful self! You have to start listening to your own thoughts. And this’ll be kind of hard at first because we’ve been used to just letting ourselves ramble on about how much we hate those damn skinny jeans because they give us a huge effing muffin top because we ate too many pumpkin bars at Thanksgiving. To us, these are normal thoughts, and now we have to start listening for them. And replacing them them with a simple, powerful “Whoa, you decided to stop talking to yourself like that. Stop it.”

That’s where it starts. There’s so much more to the world of positive self-talk, but it allllll starts here. With listening and labelling your own negativity.

You can so, SO do this!

I believe in you!

Are you ready to start? (Heck yes!)

Get more pep, step-by-step how-to’s, and good cheer by hopping on my email list! You’ll get SO much love and value just for letting me brighten up your inbox! #worthit 😍

Begin your journey by hopping on the list and getting the exact guide you need to start boosting your confidence today! I’ts our Guide to Positive Self-Talk, and you can get the PDF sent straight to your Inbox! Hooray! 😀

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Lalalalove from me to YOU,

P.S. Totally worried that I’ll spam your inbox with weirdo spammy things? SO not me! I hate spam too, and my goal is to bring you legit tips and real-world value that you can start using right away! You can also unsubscribe if you start to think that we’re not #meanttobe 😉 

Type your details below to get the guide you need to start revamping your self-love and self-confidence today, sweet friend!

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P.P.S. Really want to keep this lovely, positivity going? Heck yes! Take your Self-Love Quiz to find the perfect self-love mantra for YOU!

Meet Your Self-Love + Confidence Coach, Kayla Vavra!

I founded Brave Heart Open Mind, this enthusiastic self-love development studio, in an effort to empower women with the ability to live their happiest, most confident lives!

Because I’ve walked the path of feeling like I wasn’t good enough— drowning in self-doubt and self-hate— and it genuinely straight up sucks. (It does, for real. If you’ve been there— ugly-crying on cold floral linoleum— you know it’s true).

Part of the entire existence of Brave Heart Open Mind is to allow me to help you get to where I am— in a place of self-love; in a place of consistent confidence; in a place of self-empowerment! And to help you get there faster than I did. 😅🤩

It took me over a decade to get to where I am today.

From my own rock bottom— sitting at the end of an emotionally abusive relationship, fully depressed, with imbalanced hormones, halfway through college, unable to do anything other than barely hang on and pretend I was fine, (when really my self-image was a total dumpster fire on the inside). There were real moments of sobbing-on-the-floor feelings of wretchedness, catatonic-in-bed feelings of hopelessness, and hiding-blades-from-myself urges of self-harm during this time.

Medication to balance my hormones helped regulate my brain chemistry to smooth back the depression and darkness, but I was still left with a completely trashed self-image. I wanted to love myself, and it took me over a decade to figure out how to actually make that happen.

My personal journey over the course of that decade has thankfully brought me all the way to where I am now: the founder of an amazing and fulfilling business, totally loving my life!

And if I can help you skip the trudging, slow-as-heck, mountain climb out of the trenches of self-doubt and self-hate, and streamline a decade for you— like, that’s amazing! Why wouldn’t I help you? How could I not??

And through painstakingly building positive lifelong habits for myself, I’ve paved a new path: One where I consistently push myself to grow, feel good enough, and live in a place of calm, centered confidence.

And these habits aren’t magic— anyone can learn them! Everyone deserves to learn them. They’re rooted in solid verbal communication skills, body language tactics, and powerful mindset shifts. Meshing these three skillsets together creates a powerful range of habits that can make any lovely human feel confident! All you have to do is learn them and consistently work hard to practice them throughout your life. When you’re ready to commit to yourself, when you’re ready to finally let yourself feel good enough, when you’re ready to live a life of confidence, I can help you learn and practice these habits! You’re worth it 😀 (You SO are!)

I’m also a total scifi nerd 🤓 

I can’t wait for us to work together! Seriously, we’ll be a force to be reckoned with! You’ll learn such powerful new habits, and you’ll feel so much power in the confidence that you’ve unlocked! Heck yes!!

In other nerdy news, you should also know that I’m a total geek and an avid life-long learner: I am certified to teach public speaking (and more!) with a Bachelors Degree in Mass Communication & Journalism and a Masters Degree in Education by the University of Nebraska at Omaha. I am certified as a Life & Success Coach, Hypnotherapist, and NLP, EFT, and TIME Practitioner by the International Board of Coaches and Practitioners. I’m currently pursuing my certification as a Master Practitioner by the IBCP, as well as my certification in The Science of Well-Being by Yale University 🤓